It has been almost thirty-five years since my childhood sexual abuse began and almost fourteen months since I spoke that truth out loud for the first time and began taking my first steps to face my past head-on. I genuinely had no idea just how much I was sleepwalking through my life, how much I was letting other people control and dictate my fate whether it was people from my past or my present. Fourteen months ago I began to wake up and really take stock of my life. I did not like what I saw. The trauma from the past really did a number on my present, but now that I can see that I cannot help feeling that if I continued as I was that now I was choosing that life that was forced on me. I didn't wake up to go back to sleep. It is within my power to choose healing. It is within my power to choose the people I want in my life. It is within my power to choose to change my life for the better. So what do I do with the knowledge that I have choices as an adult that I didn't have as an abused child? I choose healing. I choose happiness. I choose purpose. I choose love. And I will continue to make that choice every single day for the rest of my life no matter how much my past tries to drag me back to sleep.
