Healing Out Loud

A blog. On the internet. Where everyone can see it. With my face and name attached. Have I lost my mind? What am I thinking sharing my childhood trauma, my sexual abuse, in such a public way? Why don't I just keep it to myself or share it privately with the people closest to me? Why put it out there for the world to see?

These are the questions I have been asking myself for days, and in my darker moments imagine that people in my life are asking themselves. The answer is that for over thirty years I did keep it to myself. I kept it under lock and key buried so deep that it was like a cancer growing inside of me. I pushed the memories away and pretended that if I didn't speak it then it wasn't true. If I didn't tell anyone that I spent my childhood being raped by my stepfather and his friends then it wasn't real. All that I accomplished through my silence was a half life that left me wishing I was dead, that isolated me from my true self and the possibility of healing from the past.

A curious thing happened three months ago when I stood in front of a man on a ManKind Project New Warrior Training Adventure weekend and broke my silence for the first time. He didn't look at me with disgust. He didn't shame me or tell me to keep it to myself. He looked me in the eye and told me he was sorry and then he hugged me. I broke down in his arms sobbing. All of the fear and shame and guilt that I carried around, all of the societal messages about manning up, all of it was silenced by my voice and the loving response that followed. I half-lived in the silence for decades in darkness and suffering. It was only when I gave voice to my pain, when I spoke my truth, that the healing began. This space, this blog, is where I will continue to raise my voice and share the story of my childhood sexual abuse and my journey to heal from it. It is my hope that not only will I heal myself, but open the door for others to heal. To heal out loud.

You Are Not Alone

Welcome to Thrive: Empowering Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse. The first thing I want any man reading these words to know is that You Are Not Alone. We as men hear so many messages from our families and from society that tell us that it is not okay for us to feel what we are feeling as survivors. We are told to "man up", to "take it like a man", and a myriad other bullshit platitudes that make us feel like we must be the only man in the world who has been through this and that no one would care or understand. The world is wrong. You are not alone, others have been where you have been, and there are many people who do care. Let me say it again, You Are Not Alone.

Are you a man who likes science and statistics? Here's a statistic for you: 1 in 6 men will experience an abusive or unwanted sexual encounter before the age of 18. 1 in 6. Not only are we not alone as male survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we are in shockingly large company. The message that it doesn't happen to guys or that we are somehow weak for having a difficult time dealing with the aftereffects of the abuse doesn't seem to hold up in the face of such cold, hard numbers does it?

On a more personal note, I have started this blog because I too am a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse. If you wish, you can view my story here. When I tell you that you are not alone, it is because I have been there too. When I tell you there are people who care, it is because I have people in my life who make that statement true. When I tell you there is hope, it is because I am finding more and more every day. When I tell you there are resources to help you begin to heal, you will find them here on this blog as time goes on. You are not alone on this journey. WE are not alone. There is strength and solace in knowing that someone out there understands. If you are someone who understands then welcome and thank you for joining me on this journey of healing from the effects of male childhood sexual abuse.